Maarit, 47, did not want to be a stepmother or wash little socks: I chose a man, not a child

What is the place of women in reconstituted families? How much the spouse's children have to take care of?Video explains what happy couples do.

met current husband when he was 43 years old. At that time he was already an adult the children's mother and lived a few years myself. He had, however, two school-age children. If a man's children were under school age, or lived with his father all the time, Maarit wouldn't want to change the same home with them. He had already changed their children's diapers, wash little socks and cook to the children tasty food for years. He didn't want to begin to live again little child family mother's everyday life. Is it selfish?

I chose a man, not a child. The woman is expected in reconstituted families continue to stepmother role. You think that you're more like a mother. I'm not, Maarit said.

He didn't do the role didn't want.

the Child's mother. Why the family should be forcibly transplanted to an extra-mothers or more individual? I'm not in the end, however, on the same footing as biological parents deciding children's issues. I think it is wise to stay on the sidelines. The situation would be different, if one of the parents of children would have died or the children were even 1-year-olds, the Group said.

He writes a couple's relationship, family life and other adult woman's move on the topics Naislaif-blog.

Anthony Tran / unsplash relationship idea, not the idea

Maarit think about your new spouse potential children and desires for them in advance forties as a single woman. Under any circumstances he did not think that a man should have children.

I Understand of course that in many ikäisilläni men have children. Because I had children of my own, I know what life with children is. However, I had a couple idea, not the idea.

the Group talked about her role with her husband already dating during. They were dating a year before moving. He describes himself as a ta position, which, if necessary, make the food, but the head of the upbringing, and not a priori carry the child to hobbies.

– take a position on educational views and participate in common discussions, but the decisions are not mine. When I have said my thoughts, pulled out, and I don't stay jankkamaan, as a parent might do. Hobbies muling's parents or grandparents do.

Stepfamily doesn't work just

All transform under the same roof and we are one big family. Such an image depiction of the between given. Maaritin think it is too smooth.

– it's Not so. Situation, there are two eroperhettä. Children do not accept new adult, just like that, and adults new children. The nuclear family is being built slowly. In reconstituted families is still in addition, in principle, hurt and wounded people.

Maaritin opinion of a stepfamily requires a lot of open speech and things. Reconstituted families when people are forced to reconcile their own routine and way of at least in some way together and find his own space and place. A reconstituted family should agree on who's in charge and where. Agreed things is Maaritin opinion, much more than the nuclear family.

I Think all feelings should dare to talk at least to your spouse. I need free time, time with an adult woman. I can't inspire children to learn things in the same way as their parents, and I don't experience the same feelings towards children.

All is he important to be able to discuss, but child rearing is the parents ' task.

– If I left honk to very much of my own views, my husband, children, mom will probably conflict. Now we have a fact between. For example, I can call her children.

”Let the man be a father, I don't beg for attention”

Maaritin man children of the living father and Maaritin with every other week. In those weeks, the Group recedes into the background and may go this weekend to another place to see her mother and friends. Weekday evenings he retired to the couple's bedroom to watch television or to read earlier than usual.

I Let my husband be primarily a father and child for the space to be with his father. I don't beg my husband very much attention when the kids are with us. We talk about my miseries more adult week. I don't carry at home in your underpants or lying on the couch paituli on.

Childless weeks Maarit might reside at home with little clothing. Childless weeks Maarit hobby more and more freely in sex with her husband like a child being with his father.

”Your needs must be put aside”

the Group will not experience that forced women to give up many things stepfamily life, but their own needs must be put on from time to time to the side. In your personal life affecting schedules can not decide all by yourself.

– my Husband fit children's schedules children with the mother. I can't think that I want to be on holidays alone with my husband. My job is to adapt. The male children of the family is already broken up. I can't take a terrible lot.

Maaritin man the money is going at the moment for the most part children. Maaritille instead of ice additional mandatory spending.

– at Some point we can probably start to travel together.

Money's worth Maaritin thinks fit in reconstituted families accurately. Man to pay their children's expenses entirely. Maarit pay for grocery shopping childless weeks.

Now wrapped sleeves, feelings of hatred will come

How happy reconstituted families, therefore, will be built? Maaritin think they should start off with an attitude, that now is wrapped in the sleeves and I recognize that at some point can become feelings of hatred on both sides.

– I told my husband the kids, I don't either be easy. I had to pick up my place in my own home. To top it haunted and I threw myself a martyr. I am, however, fond of my husband children and I have with them.

so What do you think, if attractive people have kids and life would mean life in a blended family?

– you Should dare to try.

the Thing is published for the first time 27.09.2018.