“If others knew what I really think…”: what should we do with our “dark side”?

It’s a question that has haunted religions and the arts for millennia. What should we think and do about this malevolent part that we carry in each of us? This “dark side” to which we can all potentially be drawn has been personified in the science fiction saga Star Wars by the iconic figure of Darth Vader. It is a shadow that the psychoanalyst Carl Jung said that we must dare to look at in order to be able to meet ourselves...

We could also define it as all the behaviors or aspects of our personality that deviate from common sense. It must be remembered that the notion is relative, since “the definition of what is good or bad varies according to culture. Homosexuality, for example, may have been considered a sin or a perversion at certain times, but totally accepted at others, during ancient Greece for example,” recalls Stéphane Rusinek, clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Lille. There is only a dark side in relation to social norms.

Certain acts are still considered bad in almost all societies and eras, such as murder or rape. But everyone can be affected by destructive ideas of this order. “If we could know all the thoughts of people, humanity would no longer exist. It would be simply unbearable, as our emotions are variable and inconsistent from one moment to the next,” says Éric Charles, psychiatrist at the Esquirol hospital center in Limoges. “In George Lucas's fiction there is this balance to be found between the light and dark side of the force. One does not exist without the other, like yin and yang. These two movements coexist in us”, supports the psychologist Jean-François Marmion, author of the book “Psychology according to Star Wars”.

Most of these destructive thoughts fortunately remain in the state of ideas. However, they can frighten and torment us. “I have repeatedly heard patients confide to me: ‘if others knew what I really think, they would not be able to love me, they would think that I am a bad person’,” reports Stéphane Rusinek. Cognitive restructuring work can help them take a step back and welcome these thoughts more calmly.

In fact, according to the psychologist, we all have a tendency, to varying degrees, to manipulate others in an attempt to obtain something – for example material goods, money, admiration or recognition. love. Likewise, we are regularly crossed by negative thoughts, by desires of violence towards others which are “natural and understandable in human beings. In fact, the two main personality tests, the NEO-Pi and the MMPI, contain questions like 'have you ever thought badly of someone?' or 'have you ever wanted to kill someone?'. If the individual has a result that is 'too' good, we will consider that he or she lied and that the test results are unreliable,” points out Stéphane Rusinek.

Irrational thoughts can arise fleetingly, for example the idea of ​​crashing into the car opposite when you are behind the wheel. Some people suffer from impulse phobia, a phenomenon which affects 100,000 individuals in France. They are terrified of, for example, throwing an infant out of a window, shouting profanities in a place of worship, or killing someone with a kitchen knife. However, there is never any action. “Impulse phobia is treated by gradually exposing yourself to the object of fear. We will therefore invite the patient to grab a knife so that he can see that nothing is happening,” explains Stéphane Rusinek. It is therefore not a pathology unlike psychopathy which involves a danger to oneself or others.

Certain contexts such as fear or the influence of toxic products favor the expression of our “dark side”. In the case of addictions, the patient who gives in to the substance “finds himself invaded, no longer has the impression of being himself: we speak of depersonalization”, observes Éric Charles. The numerous scandals reported about celebrities finally remind us that a situation of power, in which no one gives us limits, can give the impression of being all-powerful and disinhibit the impulses, whether creative or destructive... even if it means reveal the worst aspect of ourselves.