Quality over quantity.
If the men understood the value of it, many relationships become less conflict-prone.
It takes Karina Lins, who is a psychologist with sexology as a speciality, and recently published the book ‘Conversation about sex', which articulate sexuality in Health care, where the otherwise conspicuous by its absence.
the Lins are also tired of the many myths about women's and men's sexuality that abound in the media, particularly on the social.
One of the myths, which, according to the Lins requires a proper overhaul and nuanced view, is that women have less sexual desire than men. It is based on a number of misconceptions and simplifications, which Lins here trying to unravel.
Testosterone controls the desire, yes. But it also applies to women: Testosterone is being seen as a male hormone, but it is in fact better to call it a sexhormon, of testosterone ensures bright, also in women. Women produce actually ten times more testosterone than estrogen. There are also other things that govern the desire of the people, explains Karina Lins.
- We know from the research that people have hundreds of different reasons to have sex: Because they are curious, they want proximity, seeking recognition, is horny, everything is possible. The most crucial is whether there is sexual contact, in addition to the bodily desire, however, is whether the situation is for it, and we feel the best through communication.
- So the desire is multifaceted, and therefore we use nowadays the bio-psycho-social perspective in seksualforskningen in order to better understand the factors that both give, but also the brakes, the desire, says Lins.
Women do not experience orgasm very easy, just by penetration, and so learn the reward system in the brain is not, 'this is nice, let's do it again soon', as in men, says psychologist Karina Lins. Private
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'The lesbian bed death' is a term that describes the lesbian couple goes dead in the bed, because there is a man who puts the time in cases.
- the Myth emerged in the late’80s, where it still acted very much about the man's ‘operation’ and the woman's passive sexuality. The notion is that when two women come together sexually, they end up in the length with no sex to have, because the man is not there to keep life in the sheets. It is an outdated way to view sexuality - it is much more complex than that.
- But there is a difference between male and kvindeseksualitet: Cruising in parks for quick anonymous sex is primarily a male/bøssefænomon - and studies suggest that men more frequently and more constantly masturbate, just like the studies show, that men as a starting point continues to have the desire for a high sexfrekvens in the fixed relationship, while women's desire is often compromised - how do you explain it?
- Yes, if you look at it with the frequency, so are the men who have most sex, both with women and with each other. Women who have sex with women, do not have sex just as often, the frequency is lower than that of gay men, it is really enough. Do, however, use lesbian a lot more time in average, when they have sex, they typically meet not in a park for a quick shag.
- With regards to masturbating, it is true that men, on average, masturberer a bit more than women. This I think is not necessarily rooted in biology, but is taught: Boys practice early in the to deal with their hangups, while the girls still often get told that they should not touch by itself, and many are ashamed and don't even know how their vulva looks.
- But the research actually shows that men and women desire resemble each other much more, than it is different from each other. It is just there are no sales figures, says Lins.
- If you go away from quantity, and looking more at the quality, is it the case that lesbian is much better to have an orgasm. 80-85 percent of lesbian sexual encounters ends up with orgasm. There is heterokvinderne clearly those who draw the shortest straw: 60-65 percent of heterokvinder get orgasm by sexual encounters, and of penetration, the figure is quite low at only 30 percent.
- Men get orgasm 90-95 percent of the time. These figures are, incidentally, better known as ’the orgasm gap’.
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According to the Lins is heterosex, where the focus often is on the penetration, on the way almost designed to grow low desire in women:
- Many heteropar are not talking about what turns them on sexually, typically, there are some unspoken rules that are followed. At heteroer it is often almost a dot-to-dot drawing, which will be followed. A little kiss, a little slikken and so to the penetration, which for many still applies as ‘real’ sex.
- But women do not experience orgasm very easy, just by penetration, and so learn the reward system in the brain is not, ‘this is nice, let's do it again soon’, as in men.
Links pointing to the Dutch professor in sexology, Ellen Laan, that puts it a little on the tip, when she says that it is only men who get vaginal orgasms:
- But it is thought-provoking. And not enough with that: in Fact, experiencing half of the heterokvinder sometimes pain during intercourse, but eats it in themselves to act normal. And every tenth woman is experiencing pain every time, but is afraid to say anything to the man about it. It is also not particularly great for the man who in this way are ignorant, and being kept outside.
- It is no wonder that women find it difficult to say a clear ‘yes’ to sex. Too many know not, what actually turns on them, and follows just the heterosexual template with the unspoken rules of the game, which still stands in the man's favor.
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- So what you are saying is that the man must be a better lover with more techniques on the palette and forget the dick a little, then it may be that the woman gets more sex, and the woman must find out what she likes and so give expression to it?
- Exactly, the man's potency is not only in the dick. And it is the few dicks that can make a ‘come here’ motion inside the vagina, which you can with a finger, and on the way source the rear wall of the clit, that is the place, which sometimes is referred to as the G-spot.
Karina Lins believe that it's not just about technique, it's also about to look at the context:
- Is there an opportunity to unfold the erotic in the situation he is in right now? Everything can stand in the way of a sexual escapade. And by the way are the things that get someone to put the brakes on the desire, stronger than the things that can press on the gaspedal.
And yes, women should be better to find out what turns them of all in the world no fake orgasms. But girls and women continue to hear the most about the dangerous side of sex - they are informed about contraception, and that they must fit in their limits and learn to say no.
- most people are asked what they want, what they like and teeth, and too many women are still keen to satisfy their partner more than they are focused on their own enjoyment.
Psychologist Lin believes that hiding something interesting in the stereotypical depiction of a woman who says ‘Not tonight, honey, I have a headache’:
- The woman avoid, especially, to say ‘I will not’, she is hiding behind a ‘I would like to, but I can't’. She is afraid to hurt the man and getting in the way not the sex, in reality she may well gad have. So it's also about much more communication: We must be better to talk about sex with each other.
- the Quality of a sexual encounter depends on the way not so much of techniques someone has in their repertoire, which comes quite naturally some variation into the picture, if there is more often being talked about the what, who have the desire to at any given time, says Karina Lins.