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If the mother chooses the bride

use of Dating Apps and have Sex before marriage But when you Marry keep a young Refugee to traditional notions, has observed our Syrian guest author.

column by Yahya Alaous

Yet there are not many statistics to prove what young refugees in Germany by a traditional family life. From the few that there are, it is clear that Young Refugees tend to have more conservative attitudes towards society and family. The search for a good wife in the predominantly male Community of the young, a theme of Refugees. Because to get married and start a family, as you know from your home countries that many of us want to. Everyone in Germany knows the beginning of such traditionally led to marriage, if a Syrian, Lebanese or Palestinian wedding is celebrated, and a motorcade with loud hooting through the streets of inner cities.

For young refugees, it is not easy to enter into a marriage. The family reunification is complicated, you can not bring any Relatives in Germany, and there are only a few refugees of Arab women in Germany. To make matters worse: women who wear a headscarf, are and will remain the most sought-after wives. Accordingly, the brokerage business of some of the ladies who form the basis of marriages grows. This coupler inside a especially in the areas which are predominantly Arab Muslims live.

In the past years, I have often discussed with young men, who came to Germany recently, about marriage and the traditional family formation, and never a negative attitude of the marriage. Many of these men have life, despite all the family obligations (intimate) private, you use Dating Apps on their Smartphones and maintain physical premarital relations.

Yahya Alaous

worked in Syria as a political correspondent for a major daily newspaper. Because of his critical reporting of the now 43-Year-old of 2002 was sitting up in 2004, in the jail, his ID was confiscated and he was issued a ban from profession. After discharge, he moved to an underground site, which was closed after eight years of the Regime. During the Arab spring, he wrote under a Pseudonym for an Opposition newspaper. As it was in Syria too dangerous, he fled with his wife and two daughters to Germany. Since the summer of 2015, the family lives in Berlin. In the SZ Yahya Alaous writes regularly about "My life in Germany."

you go to night clubs and prostitutes, but when it comes to the search for a suitable wife, look in the Arabic-influenced areas - in Berlin, for example, in the sun Avenue or tower road. Here, then, with the help of the matchmaker or friends and relatives after a veiled nubile young woman.

But not always is the desire for marriage in the first place, some of them are also looking for a little closeness and the experience with the other gender. Dating Apps are one of the things here in Germany, which confuse the young Refugees at the most. In the countries of origin, these Apps are not very common - or at least not as openly as in the West, about you and about what you can experience with these Apps.

Even though many rejected the digital "Match-Making" first of all, the young men it more and more. Slowly spread the use of these Apps among male Refugees. Log in to these portals, usually under a false name.

Now it seems to be for the young men of the normal, to use these Apps, although they make an effort to be in the network of well-Known discovered. That would be an embarrassment to them; they don't want to avoid giving the impression that you are interested in an honest relationship, which should lead to a marriage, but only for quick Sex. In addition, all seem to believe that women who register on these portals, be a prostitute.

in addition to the Dating sites, there are also portals where Islamic marriages etc. However, these pages are, in spite of the high claims, you want to use, just a bad copy of the Western Dating sites.

In my homeland of Syria and most of the young people of the demand for gender segregation by religious institutions will not be swayed. In the universities of a social Innovation, the experience less-Educated learning and lives of young men and women side by side. However, many of the more educated still live, albeit to a lesser degree, Western life and Western relationship - with everything that goes with it. Also with Sex!

However, premarital relations at us rarely. When it comes to the marriage - also, of course, at the request of or under pressure from the family, get the word of the mother of the man more weight than the wishes and feelings of the marriage consent. Because the mother is still selected by the son of the bride.

So it is that many young men - I am speaking here of the Syrian society, whether in Syria or in the Diaspora - their mothers have full control over your life. From my research and experience as a social consultant in Syria I know that the life of these so-made married couples will often be very much unfortunate that domestic violence occurs more frequent and that such marriages often end in infidelity and divorce.

A woman, demanding virgin husbands, reaps a Shitstorm

of Course, there are a growing number of young couples turn their backs on the here in Germany of the criteria of the middle Eastern or Islamic community. To a rule, but all the young men with whom I spoke and which I've heard is hold on, be sure to: A woman with premarital sexual contact can not be married.

I Recently saw a Video on Youtube in which a young veiled woman presented in a very humorous way your desire for an immaculate husband. For the sentence "I wish that my future husband is a virgin in the marriage with me" earned a Shitstorm. Male commentators course, be sure that insulted you and called you a "whore".

I suspect that this setting young male Fugitive will not change towards women and marriage in the coming years. Studies show that Turkish, living in Germany and Turkish-born German men think after decades of living in Germany still and feel how the Recently living here are Arabs. Therefore, the reconstruction of the hymen before the wedding, as in many Arab countries is not paid now in Germany, too, almost to the standard of performance of women doctors and doctors have become (which, however, of the health insurance funds).

These young men need to rethink their attitudes towards their future wives, even if the Religious, hold on the companies and the rulers in the countries of Origin of their beliefs. I strongly advise this, if the men is located on stable and equal, modern partnerships.

Translation: Jasna Zajček

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