"What do you think the children think when they see me like this?"

Life with children is exhausting, chaotic - and beautiful. In this column, our author captures his surprising insights into “living with kids”.

I have heart pain again and very high inflammation levels. I sleep a lot and take a lot of medication. But the worst thing is that my wife and I have planned a surprise for our children. A concert by the children's heavy metal band Heavysaurus. This is a band that plays metal songs with German lyrics while disguising themselves as dinosaurs. Our children already know the music, but they know nothing about the concert. It takes place in Würzburg, we booked a hotel and planned a short vacation. But now I don't know if we can drive at all.

Three weeks ago I wanted to go on a trip to Berlin with my son Ragnar to look at the dinosaur skeletons in the Natural History Museum with his godfather. He's really obsessed with dinosaurs. He went to carnival as an ankylosaurus. It belongs to the group of avian pelvic dinosaurs and had a particularly strong tail club and a neck plate.

Anyway, I had to cancel the trip to Berlin. And Ragnar fought back tears when I told him that while lying in bed. He wasn't crying but there was such a sadness in his eyes. He hugged me and said, "Dad, everything will be fine." And my daughter Flora immediately listened to my heart with her child's stethoscope. "We'll make you well," she said.

We're going to Würzburg after all. I go to bed in the hotel and the kids and my wife walk around town. With every breath, I feel a stab in my heart. And I wonder what the children will think when they see and experience me like this. Not because I think a father is supposed to be strong and overpowering or anything. But because I think it would be bad if they worried about it or were afraid.

The concert takes place on a Saturday afternoon. And the kids don't know about it. An above-average number of parents are on their way to the concert hall with their children. And Ragnar and Flora are already realizing something. “Where are they all going?” they ask. "I don't know," I say. In the hall, Ragnar yells "Heavysaurus" loudly when he recognizes the stage logo. And of course we both buy a t-shirt with the dinosaurs on it.

Before the stage show, a kind of heavy metal rock opera, begins, there is an announcement that the area in front of the stage is really only for children and that the parents should stand behind it so that they don't block the children's view. And then the musicians come on stage in dinosaur costumes. Singer Mr. Heavysaurus, keyboardist Milli Pilli, guitarist Riffi Raffi, drummer Komppi Momppi and bassist Muffi Puffi.

Fireworks fountains rise, bags of gummy bears fly through the hall fired from cannons. The songs are called "Gumball is mega!", "Dino-Metalheads" or "Heavy Twister". Ragnar sings along with all the songs. I sit on the floor and watch him dance. And his sister is chasing the golden tinsel falling from the ceiling. And other parents drink beer. And my heart hurts, and in the evening I fall asleep in front of my children. But it's good that we drove.