Are you afraid to be single with all the challenges it entails, or are you in the relationship, you are not happy in because you are scared that your gf would not be able to cope with the breakup?
Canadian researchers have looked in detail at what is at stake when you are not progressing from a girlfriend, you are dissatisfied with.
And it appears that for a part it is first and foremost about the so-called altruistic motives: in other words, we think it is a sin for your boyfriend, if you leave the relationship.
Especially is this the case, if one believes that the partner really is comitted and need to be in the relationship.
lead Author Samantha Joel from the University of Utah and Western University in Ontaria, Canada, says:
The more dependent it is believed that the boyfriend is of the relationship, the less likely it is that you take the initiative to a breach. And it holds true even for people who are not even particularly related to the relationship or who are extraordinarily dissatisfied with it. Overall we will not hurt our partner, and we go up in, whether they have it good.
the Researchers made two delstudier. In the one they followed 1349 persons in fixed relationship throughout the 10 weeks. In the second followed in two months, 500 persons, who considered to leave her boyfriend.
Other studies have shown that the amount of time, resources and emotions you have invested in a couple's relationship, is an important factor when one must decide whether or not to leave her boyfriend.
And it is also demonstrated that the fear of what happens when you are single - the loneliness, the difficulty to find another partner, and the economic challenges - can make that you choose to be.
In these cases, acting out of self-interest, but the new study shows, therefore, that the decision to remain in unsatisfactory relationships might also include altruistic motives. So you choose to be, even if you have the desire to act, and hope that it all gets better.
- We know not how accurate people's perceptions about my boyfriends dependence of the relationship is. It can easily relate so that you overfortolker, which linked the partner is, and how evil it would do.
Kiss & love - 18. may. 2016 - pm. 21:35 you Must take from the boyfriend? This app helps you with the answer
But to decide to stay in the relationship for my bf's sake is a double-edged sword, according to Joel:
- If the relationship is improved, it is good, if it does not, this is a bad decision, which extends the relationship unnecessarily.
And then there is the question whether it is really a charitable thing to do is to be in the relationship for my bf's sake:
- For who will actually be in a relationship with someone who certainly will not be so, saith the Samatha Joel, who believes that the study can help therapists and people who are in the midst of these difficult decisions.
- It may be useful to know what the feelings are rooted in, and that they are completely normal.
the Psychologist Jennice Vilhauer has prepared a checklist that you should read if you are in doubt as to whether it is time to take or not. They are somewhat together, but comes to expression in different ways.
The goodness is gone is the first item on the Vilhauers list, which thus implies a relationship to the blueslegenden B. B. Kings song of love, the death of 'The thrill is gone' - when it's good between you is dried up, it is time to move on.
And what is it good then? After all, it is the glue in the relationship: Kindness and empathy and indulgence opposite errors, shortcomings and irritating habits - the remission of sins, when a blunder is committed. It is tolerance and dedication, commitment, and respect.
When the goodness dries out, slowly and imperceptibly, take the irritation, the anger, the distance and respektløsheden over. And when the goodness is gone, there is just pain, and so it is difficult to find the good again.
It may sound a little old-fashioned, but respect is according to the psychologist one of the most crucial values in a relationship. If your partner does not respect you, it can be manifested in many small and almost invisible ways in his behavior towards you.
Perhaps lying is he, maybe he is cheating, maybe the industry he you - it is a sign that he doesn't care how you feel and how his behavior affects you.
Possibly he does not know that his behavior is disrespectful. Then you must tell him, and see how he reacts. If he listens and understands what you say and changes his behavior, he shows, that he goes up in, how you have it - but he rejects your objections or continues his disrespectful behavior, you know what time it is on.
Energy in a relationship is not some hocus-pocus. It's basically a sense of how much you give, and how much you get. It preferably should go fairly up in the long run and in the big picture. Both parties must feel that their needs are being met, not always and all the needs, but much along the way.
When the couple's relationship begins to fall apart, it can feel as if the one doing all the work to get it to hang together.
It creates imbalance and distance. The person who gives and gives, gets angry, while the other is being lazy. So when when you do everything to accommodate you to get your girlfriend closer, he moves further away.
instead, Try to pull you back and see how he reacts. He comes to you in a meeting, it can be done to restore the balance in the relationship. But he becomes angry or loses him further away, so taking In hardly each other again.