If the woman is the tyrant

At the beginning it was the big love. Know Florian Gasser* had learned it through a friend who said that this woman was nothing for him. "I was calm, it was exaggerated, cheerful, fun-loving, which I thought was cool." He was her dream man, she said he was perfect. After five days, they moved in together, after 101 days, the wedding took place in a very small frame. You've wanted it.

A week after the wedding she threw for the first Time, a plate to him, so he tells it. "I thought, here we go, now I'm a high-Spirited." What was the dispute, he can no longer remember today. "We knew each other not long ago, we had no reason to Argue."

He drove back to his parents, and as their house was already in sight, she quoted him via SMS. "I would have more to go, then I would be easier to be it now," says Florian Gasser. But he returned. 19 years ago now. Many years later, I asked someone to go to when he was considered for the first Time. He said: "After a week."

In Switzerland, about 23 percent of the victims, the experience in your partnership violence, male.

Florian Gasser story is of a permanent reduction, of control, of psychological, physical and sexual violence. That its history started with the big love, is typical, says social worker Deborah Neuburger.

That the – domestic violence against men, is for some difficult to imagine, but statistically reported: About 23 percent of the victims, the experience in Switzerland in their partnership violence, according to Figures from the Federal statistical office for the year 2017 male. Generally, there are to this distribution of roles in dysfunctional relationships, however, little research – the number of unreported cases is likely to be high. In addition, Affected trust out of shame often to talk about it. Why is he doing this now? "Because it is to do a few," says Gasser.

It took a long time until he understood what had happened to him. Until he take his Problem seriously and confide in someone. In the meantime, he and his wife are in the separation year. Gasser is moved out of the shared house and now lives in one of Deborah Neuburgers point of contact-appointed anonymous protection apartment.

"Stupid Grin off the faces"

Neuburgers goal is to raise Public awareness and educate in this area to get equal rights drive, "the stupid Grin off the faces". The point, in fact, almost every Time, if you are with someone of your commitment. A little amused, a little disbelieving, a little overwhelmed. Known then asked: "And your husband, are you well?" A man as a victim who may or may not want to imagine a lot of that fits the classic role distribution, which prevails in the minds of many. Instead, the unspoken question is: Can the fight be about? If you enter in Google "men's protection" is replaced by "maternity protection".

Florian Gasser is a large, athletic man, with small wrinkles around the eyes, 44 years old. He wears Jeans and sneakers, has a self-confident, but speaks rather quietly, and responds less to questions. His wife did not have apologized, as he drove back then to her. Of him, but you have not asked, and henceforth always excuses. You had to vote, it had to be the right formulation. Otherwise, you have said: "You're not serious."

Often she was as turned over. In a day, you laughed about a joke, in the next week, she freaked out suddenly. "Normally," says Florian Gasser, "you can set in a relationship to each other." His wife is unpredictable.

He wants to take his life in Hand: Florian Gasser. Photo: Robert Haas

at first it was mostly verbal insults, "often in front of others". The gifts he gave her at the beginning of the marriage, each and every month, the "small wedding", he had to bring her back, she found them too expensive. In the Solarium, where you worked, berated him in front of their colleagues. In the Disco, both of which worked by the way, ruled for him when he exchanged a few words with a well-Known. The relationship, says Gasser, I always feel wrong. But he remained still. "I don't know why."

The children were certainly an important reason, of a son is now 16, the other is four years old. Florian Gasser longed for a harmonious family life. Five years ago, they built a house. That his wife insulted him, small-made, provoked and physically in terms of where it was – somehow, he got used well.

sleep deprivation as a typical method

her parents he has never met. Also dealing with his parents have said to him, for several years, he was then. The violence cuts active Partner or the Partner of other social relations – even the come in such partnerships often, says Deborah Neuburger. Florian Gasser, the accusations followed; all the time his wife had him having Affairs. At the time the monitoring began. You have his Computer searched, emails are being read, the Post checks and Online Bank account. Finally, she had it every second night not sleeping.

sleep deprivation, this is also a typical method of offenders, weiss social worker Neuburger. The past few years, he slept on the Couch in the living room, where his wife was talking to at two in the morning on him, or always turn on the light. She pulled him by the hair, spat on him, kicked him in the genitals, or handle him in the throat. And then be there have been sexual Assaults. As he told Deborah Neuburger for the first Time, he said only: "If you want something, it is rough." The social worker remembers well how he came to speak a couple of weeks later and said: "That was rape."

That he had to move into an apartment, feels like a descent, says Florian Gasser.

In August of 2016 spent a Gasser after heart surgery a long time in rehab. "I haven't had much time to Think, and I'm to the conclusion that I'm in." When he came home, the facade of the new home was not finished yet, have you immersed it together. The Operation had came to him just at the right time, so he had nothing to do at the house. "I pulled the trigger on the air."

It took but a while yet, until the end of 2017 Deborah Neuburger entrusted. To friends he had played previously, the operations always. "Since then it was just the stupid cow that you have at home." Many contacts had been lost over the years; slowly, he builds them now. Now he spoke for the first Time about his experiences, tried to find words.

he had to move into an apartment, feels like a descent, says Florian Gasser. Deborah Neuburger remembers well the day she came to pick him up and in the apartment brought, with his Computer, his clothes, the most important documents. "He was broken, a wreck." Recently his wife had brought him to stay for ten days in the Garage, between the car and the tool storage, the access to the common house, you refused him. Deborah Neuburger shows a photo of a sofa before an open trunk.

He no longer knew what to believe

In the protection of apartment Florian Gasser came slowly to rest. He showed his wife because of physical violence. At the same time, a procedure now because of the children – Gasser wants to see you more often than just every second weekend. In the case of the police, he have good experience and they have taken him seriously. Unlike the youth welfare office. Also there is the opinion in front of ash, apparently, that it could not give a man as a victim, says Deborah Neuburger. Especially since the woman attempts all things to the contrary.

Gaslighting – gas lighting, this method of Manipulation in the jargon. Named after the play "Gas Light" by the British author Patrick Hamilton, the Alquist by the film versions of "Gaslight" and "the house of the Lady" known the world over. In the piece, the Protagonist is manipulated by his wife over a long period of time, he claims to see things that you perceive, among other things, the light of a flickering gas lantern. Finally, the woman doubts their own perception and is almost insane.

Eventually, it was Florian Gasser so: for He did not know what to believe. In addition, women's violence is more subtle, men are less injuries. That you don't talk about it because you are ashamed that you have not put up a fight. That psychological violence is barely detectable. But violence has many forms. You not only starts at the blue spots.

Florian Gasser is now hoping that his divorce goes quickly through the stage. And that he is allowed to see his children again in the future more often. He wants to take his life up again.

* Name changed by the editors (Sunday newspaper)

Created: 25.04.2019, 20:37 Uhr