“You have to be able to say that you find something uncool”

Who pays the bill at the gas station? "Let the working population do it," says management consultant Lea to Steffi, mother and housewife. The two women are actually friends and are actually with the third in the league, rock star Toni, on the way to the wedding of their childhood friend Maya. This is the story of Julia Becker's current film "Over

This is how Lea (Jessica Schwarz), Toni (Petra Schmidt-Schaller) and Steffi (director and screenwriter Julia Becker also plays) in “Over

ICONIST: Have you ever done a similar trip with girlfriends?

Julia Becker: Yes, it was also characterized by ups and downs. That inspired me a bit to make the film.

Jessica Schwarz: I drove through Argentina with a friend. That's when we noticed that we can maneuver cars very well together, for example through dry riverbeds. That really worked.

Petra Schmidt-Schaller: I have to sit it out, I'll take the subway to my friends. (everybody is laughing)

ICONIST: Speaking of depths – they're really deep in the film.

Becker: Yes, it wasn't as bad as in the film on my girlfriend trip, but in between the mood was down. We made up then, it didn't put our friendship to the test. But afterwards I also thought: You don't have to do a trip like this again anytime soon.

Schwarz: When you travel, you get to know your friends from a completely different perspective. I always travel a lot with my family, we are committed and attuned to one another. On the other hand, when you're out with friends you haven't had the experience with, you suddenly realize: there's a bit of a squeamishness, oh, I don't eat that. As I said, this does not put friendship to the test, love is too great for that.

ICONIST: The women in the film openly tell each other what annoys them about each other. That seems exaggerated in places: Nobody treats their friends like that.

Schmidt-Schaller: At the beginning of the film, these friends are no longer as close as they were as teenagers. Then it's also possible to let everything out. But when you're really close, you give your girlfriends a lot more freedom.

Becker: In the film there is also external pressure on the friendship. They have this assignment from Maya (to take a road trip, editor's note) that offers them no way out. When a friendship gets too much, then you distance yourself and do something different for a day – the friends in “Over

ICONIST: What does a friendship need more urgently: that you can throw up with and about each other? Or rather having fun together?

Becker: The best friendships are the ones where you can say: "I don't think that's cool of you." And then get closer again and go out and celebrate. What happens with the three in the film: They didn't say anything to each other for many years and always talked about each other in pairs. It will go up at some point.

ICONIST: Do you have a tip on how not to break the connection in friendships?

Becker: My producer and I are very good friends. When we started working on the film, we agreed that we would tell each other early on the things that bothered us. So that no mountain builds up. At some point you have to blame each other for so many things - "and I wanted to tell you that too!"

Schwarz: I also think it's good to write a letter. Sit down, think and sleep on it for a night if it's really complicated. When you realize you can't get to the other person with your feelings. When you receive a letter, the other person also feels: Wow, that's important to my friend.

ICONIST: Would you do therapy with friends?

Schwarz: I went to the mediator with my ex-boyfriend's ex-wife to clarify how we deal with the children and what is important to us. It didn't work out back then, but right now we're texting each other a lot and working through issues. I think the seeds for this were sown in mediation at the time. Because you have already opened up the possibility of processing things together. That's not bad, sometimes an objective opinion helps.

Schmidt-Schaller: Your case is a bit more special, but if it's really two friends, the question is: what do we actually want from each other and from the friendship? It really has to collide. I find that an exciting question: How much space do you give your girlfriends, how much can everyone be?

ICONIST: Strictly speaking, the women in the film have no time for friendship, everyone has so much to do: with their jobs, with their families, with their partners. How about you?

Becker: The friendships you cultivate are the important ones. I think that's really an indicator. You always have time for friends, it's just a question of whether you make them.

Black: I just called my girlfriend. The interview made me think of her and want to know how she is doing. My motto is: So close and yet so far. Quite often important things like weddings or birthdays are missed, but there are a few traditions that stand. I also organize some of them, I'm behind and cancel appointments. The older I get, the more important these traditions and meetings become to me.

Schmidt-Schaller: Yes, the girlfriends in the film understand that too: life is finite. The grandparents are often already deceased, the next thing to happen is your own parents and you can feel how things are going. It reminds me again and again how important my girlfriends are.

Becker: If you lose yourself a bit, then friends are also the people who know where you started. Who can then bring you back, so you shouldn't give up such relationships lightly.

ICONIST: Do you think there is a difference between female and male friendships?

Schwarz: I think men have a harder time opening up or going into conflict-laden topics with friends. If there are problems, then I also observe that they address them very clearly. According to the motto: One man, one word. A woman, a dictionary.

Schmidt-Schaller: The question in all friendships is: How honest do you want to be with each other?