Anne and Jan found each other grief groups: Both the deceased spouse is the most important part of the common life

Naantali types of Ann Rantama-Lehtinen lost his spouse to cancer and seek help from a grief peer support group. There he met a man who went through his own grief. That meeting changed both the rest of your life.

I Remember that day particularly well. Was march 13. day and the next day was my and my husband Marc 33. honeymoon. We had planned to celebrate the programme.

I Was at work, and my phone rang. Markku had gotten a job as epileptic seizures, and he was taken by ambulance to the hospital. That's when I couldn't tell what it was.

in the Hospital, marc was a breathing device, and we'll worry about with our children, will she ever wake up. It was then that his head was something, but nobody knew what.

When marc woke up, he was transferred to the neurology department. Studies after the doctor told me that Marc's brain was a tumor that should be cut.

marc was at that stage still pretty sharp and worry about his sailboat - in march when it was already very busy to put the boat in summer. The doctor said that the cut the tumor out, so yes you then by June you sail.

When Markulle done more research, found out that the tumor was in the fourth grade glioma, i.e. brain cancer. We were told that the tumor can be cut, but it's risky. We agreed to surgery, and Markku to get home.

the first night home I woke up, when marc cried out in pain. Found out that Markku's spinal fluid had come through his surgery wound. An ambulance had to take Marc to the hospital, where he was operated on again. Surgery as a result of his left side paralyzed.

marc was left-handed, so after the paralysis, he couldn't get any more to eat, and properly spoken about. I asked the doctor the prognosis of the remaining time. The answer was that a week or weeks, month or months or year.

Marc sought to rehabilitate, but in fact the cancer had not been possible to improve. When marc got home, I did work half days and work Markku's caregiver. The last three weeks Markku was in the bed department.

I Slept at home what I could and in the morning I go again for the whole day in the hospital. I was told to do something else, but I couldn't do anything. I wanted to be Markku, although I couldn't help.

Last weekend Markku was transferred to may's room, where I got to be with him from Friday to Monday. Markku died less than a year of illness after February 2015. He was a 56-year-old.

"with Jan we focus on living in the moment," Anne told me. Home album

When marc went to tuch the cancer clinic for treatments, read the cancer society of the magazines and I saw a notification peer support group.

Although I am by nature a social and I want to be with people dealing with, not the idea of a peer support group of accession had become in the middle of everything even your mind.

Felt really pregnant that the majority of people is either not wanted or been able to listen to, when I talked about it all. I feel kuristuvani things inside to keep, and I feel better only when I got to talk to a peer support group.

Markku illness also revealed who my true friends were. Part left entirely without calling, and contacted even Markku after death.

Some admit only afterwards she'd been expecting, that I'll be in touch when I can, but it's the stage when you just remain on your feet can't be active. Ystävienhän should be supportive in difficult situations and helps you to cope.

peer support group meets once a week. Heavy emotions through conversation, art, music and through writing. Soon I decided to apply according to the end of the week the group, which was selected for twenty years inside, widowed men and women.

on the Second day we were tasked to choose a postcard that pleases your eyes the most. Those who chose the same postcard, they got to interview each other. With me, the same lake landscape card chose jämsä Jan . In conversation revealed that Jan's wife had perished eight years of ill health after ovarian cancer. Jan took care of his wife until the last moment at home.

It feels like some kind of fate. Jan became the Central Finland and I'm from Naantali. We ended up in Pori, finland, where Jan had never visited before and I'm just passing through. Both had to push to get according to the group, and then we selected again the same postcard.

a Few months end of the week the group after Jan called. Months we talked on the phone every day. Then Jan came to see me to Naantali.

we discovered quickly that we are interested in the same things: nature and the cottage are both close to the heart, and both like most hobbies include fishing, berry picking and mushroom picking.

I fell in Love with Jan's sensitive and emotional side. He is a kind and warm caring. Jan was impressed that we were so similar. We are so strong on the same wavelength and our ideas coincide so well together that sometimes I feel that we would have one brain!

I Think, that both had from the beginning the feeling that the situation could lead to something. Yet the most significant common factor was that we had both experienced the same loss, we can freely tell you what it feels like and between to cry for the sad.

Anne and Jan were married last summer. Home album

When our relationship deepened, we got full support for the middle district of our. Some people's reaction however shocked me. A former colleague of mine had seen me and Jan Naantali shore and began to talk about how I had certainly been in a relationship before my husband's death. It hurt me very much. You can never know what other people in life has happened, and I don't at least I would never leave you to judge anyone.

I Remember, how a peer support group once considered a period of mourning-concept, and no one in the group who didn't want to take the topic position. In the old days the driver was wearing black for years and so to speak murruttiin its black, and the grief got to let go. But who determines when is the right time to move on?

Everyone grieves in their own way and grief can exist, although it is not all the time outwardly showing. If you allow it to be all the time at the surface, yes, it suddenly get tired and it would take. When Jan felt that this could be something we said that pitkähän this the rest of your life alone would be.

Both deceased, an important part of our life together. On labor day we went together to Markku's grave and when we go In, we take a flower and a candle to Jan's wife's grave. They are sort of still part of our family, and although I hate never leaves, it has facilitated and changed more as a good memory.

we've been Through loss has taught us to appreciate life in completely new ways. We don't panic with small things, and we don't want to make big plans for years to come.

we Talked about Markku many times, that after a few years we can still do push-ups, we can retire and enjoy life. Then we'll never get work there and all went quite again. With jan we will focus on living in the moment.

Jan moved to Naantali last summer and we were married in August. We still have Jan's home in Jämsä, where we visit regularly to see Jan's relatives and friends. Also Jan's cottage Keurusselällä island is a very special place for us. Naantali again my children and my grandchildren have been with us a great support of life will continue.

Jan buy me fresh flowers every week, and major disputes they have not had ever.

being Together feels good, and every day is better than the previous one. It is important to us that we always go to sleep in peace and we will tell you last thing at night and first thing in the morning, that we love each other. It can be said many times a day - that word does not consume, deepens it.

you Should also remember that although something happened really terrible, always there is also something good.

the Thing is published for the first time 16.06.2018.

CARTER SMITH