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Elsa, 36, is a withhold: Still prevails the idea of mother one parent - male underestimation is quite incomprehensible
Blogger Elsa Heiko, 36, is happy to withhold, with the child's welfare comes first. Still, he feels at times the need to explain etävanhem change. The fable of the oak cliff

I'm going to pick up my child from preschool. Immediately in the hallway I run into his friends parents.

we Greet each other, after which I power not comfortable. I think of them I wonder where I've been and why I didn't get last either a parents ' evening.

at the Same time when I feel the need to explain my affairs, I am pleased that I chose the neat clothes and combed my hair before I left home. Now no one hope to think that I was incapable of taking care of myself or my child.

I Know, I didn't have to explain our family things to others, but still find myself doing so. I want them to think that I had abandoned my child.

surprise pregnancy single bubble in a

I never been dating the father of my child, for I had become pregnant immediately tapailumme at the beginning. The body then singles in a bubble, and I don't know pregnancy at all.

Pregnancy was a shock. Still, it was clear to me that I like children. It felt like the right choice.

When I told the baby's father I was pregnant, he was surprised. We ended up together the fact that I moved from the north to Helsinki, because we wanted that our child would have both parents nearby. For both of us, however, was clear from the start that we would be the traditional nuclear family.

after giving Birth, we lived with the baby alone. Everyday smooth each other. The father was watching the children once a week, and they get to create a relationship with each other.

When I had finished breast-feeding the child in over a year, he began to spend more time with his dad without me. A couple of years after we agreed to joint custody. The child's father to be a strong desire to have children an equal parent.

the Idea of joint custody suits me very well.

”Child a better everyday life”

When our child was five years old, my dad moved to a small locality 80 km away from Helsinki. I moved with the children we began to spend time also in the country. He was with his father as much as before, but the kindergarten's everyday life was still in Helsinki.

Otherwise well-functioning everyday life was overshadowed by the fact that our child was bullied in kindergarten. The situation tried to intervene many times to no avail. When the child is not because of bullying didn't want to go to kindergarten, we decided to consider other options.

the father of the Child's place of residence was a small day home and seven children in the preschool group. We talk to the child about the possible change for the country to dad's house and we went together to check out a new day home.

our Children thrived in the country with his father very well, so we decided to try how its going. We wanted to improve the welfare of the child and get him out of the bullying situation.

I Moved with the children in the middle parenting was transferred to the father. I will not withhold.

”in the middle of the older makes a more invisible metatyötä”

I got Used to the new situation surprisingly easily. Around me ask a lot of questions, what etävanhemmuus and child out-migration seemed. For myself it was a natural, because I was already accustomed to the fact that the child is not always at home.

everyday my smooth-time job and other work. What was new was that I was able to meet my friends also weekday evenings.

Even if being alone was familiar to me, I noticed etävanhemmuuden to resign in the middle of the parent role a lot.

Middle parent makes a lot more invisible metatyötä, which loads in everyday life. Etävanhemmuuden with I'm not primarily that type, which meets the flag and tag and get the guys gifts.

parenting the future workload is eased clearly. Now the work - and the day home everyday running is the father's responsibility.

for Myself this has been a pleasant change, because I am by nature pretty distracted. I returned to kindergarten in the description tag often at the last minute, and my children sometimes had a drink bottle with a kindergarten excursion, because I had forgotten.

Now I have enjoyed the fact that the father care for the child everyday running.

Taru oak cliff,”the Father is just as good option”

New situation, I had to grow it, that child will cope with dad, even if I'm not there all the time höyryämässä clothing or bed population.

Etävanhemmuus is required great confidence in the other parent and the fact that it works.

When the child is with me, I do less work. In my day job, I do less than a week, and all my work are on social media, which allows for flexible working and that I can concentrate to the fullest of my children when he is in Helsinki.

When the child is with me, together we can do all the same things as before. We go to a scooter park and a movie, our bikes in the city and in restaurants. We also always eat sushi, because it may not be the child's new place of residence.

Officially, the child is father of the week and stay at my place for the weekend, but in practice he is with me from Friday to Monday. Friday I jump on a bus and I'll pick him from kindergarten and we came back to my place in Helsinki. On Monday I will take the child back to the country.

I've missed the middle of parenting, because I get to see my children nearly as much as before. Though sometimes it seems like that would be nice to have his everyday life more involved. Then I left the country for the child. I am there always welcome.

My circle is my take etävanhem alone was encouraging. It will certainly affect it, I live in Helsinki and I work in a creative field.

our Solution is not so amazing. No one has ever questioned my parenting all you like, or hinted, that the child should be taken away from me.

even Though your own my mothering has not been questioned, I still feel at times the need to explain myself to others for response. The idea of a mother in the middle of parents is deep rooted in the idea model, even if the father is just as good an option.

I Feel that also in our society there is still a strong idea about her first as a parent.

I Remember a clinic visit, where we had the whole family involved. There I was given a child's information tag to fill, because his father didn't know how. The default is still the fact that the fathers were not able to fill the tags, to care for winter clothes or do the dishes. They will be perceived as still the mother's job. Men's underestimation is quite incomprehensible.

”Mom let's call the first”

Also in kindergarten, many things are assigned to me, even though dad was next to. This is strange, because the child lives with his father.

Once a day the home called to me, because dad had forgotten to pick up the children. Why didn't they call directly to my dad? Still it is assumed automatically that the mother is responsible for all, any kid with a little bit older.

Actually, I thought so, that breastfeeding after cessation there is no reason that the mother was the better parent. Not even our children thought so.

Each person has the opportunity to take care of her children. Men need to encourage the family to everyday life and the attachment relationship of the creation with the baby from the beginning.

the dads are just as good parents and they have a right to be in a child's life involved in from the beginning – it is not women's privilege in any case.

we've been here a solution that we really satisfied. The child and father's relationship is clearly closer to this year and they have become more of a team. The children have enjoyed the country very well, but also enjoys time in Helsinki.

It, which she officially resides, does not affect everyday life in any way. The most important thing is that our child is happy and prosperous.

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