There is nothing worse than to lose your child

Daniela Nuber-Fischer has lost her first child, her daughter Paula. She died in your tummy, in the sixth month of pregnancy. Daniela Nuber-fishing has brought Paula to the world. A silent birth, the midwives call it. Quiet because the Baby was just born, not crying.

That was seven years ago, Daniela Nuber-Fischer and her husband now have two healthy sons, five and two years old. In the living room of the family a candle with Paula's name. Your daughter is not forgotten. Daniela Nuber-Fischer speaks of her often. Because you accompanied today, parents of star children; from babies so that, during or shortly after birth died. It is a more recent term that stands out from the others, the German language for the early death of a baby: Abortion, miscarriage, retirement, or termination.

"at the Time, I'm so many people met, have strengthened me."Daniela Nuber-Fischer

Daniela Nuber-Fischer helped at the time, a course with the name "Empty cradle". A regression rate for women who have problems other than sleepless nights and sore nipples from Breastfeeding. For women who have lost their Baby before they had the opportunity to get to know. And their body must make to pregnancy and childbirth in spite.

"at that Time, I met so many people that have strengthened me. I wanted to be a man," says Daniela Nuber-fishing. In the meantime, she is: she has done a training for the family companion in the society for birth preparation, and works as a systemic family Counsellor.

A birth certificate Daniela Nuber-Fischer and her husband had at the time.

With another mother from the course, they developed the idea for a star müttertag. It is a day to tell that to the mothers of their dead children, with other women, and find a way to be able to replace the Experienced to displace it. Since one and a half years, she organized the star müttertag in the Munich area. Recently, this day is for mothers who have lost their Baby took place, for the first Time, in Munich, in the premises of the Association of Orphaned parents.

The Association of Orphaned parents, there are since 29 years in Munich. The staff care for families who have lost a child, no matter how old it was. They advise, guide and offer self-help groups, and training for grief companion. The premature death of a child was, from the beginning theme in the work of the Association. But in the past five years, the topic is increasingly in the consciousness of the people, says Susanne Lorenz. She directs the office of the Association and notes: "Affected today more help." The theme of premature death, it occupies a larger space in the Association's work.

Paula weighed at birth is less than 500 grams. A birth certificate Daniela Nuber-Fischer and her husband had at the time. Only since a law change in 2013, babies must be under 500 grams in Germany, to a family registered, parents can apply for an "existence certificate" to the Registrar's office. Daniela Nuber Fischer tells, on Wednesday, may 15. In may 2013, the day the law came into force, you've got such a existence of certificate for Paula. A document that said: "It was my child, and it was there."

Many do not perceive star mothers as mothers, and in particular if it was her first child who died.

And also for the mother this weight limit impact: Only 500 grams, you are entitled to the protection of maternity. Recently, however, a woman who has suffered after the twelfth week of pregnancy, a miscarriage, a termination, protection of four months. "A step in the right direction," says Daniela Nuber-fishing. She was asked after the silent birth of their daughter on a Friday of your Doctor, whether you need a Sick leave, to the next Monday back to work.

The Association of Orphaned parents was after the silent birth of her daughter an important point of contact for Daniela Nuber-fishing. And it was a very special: "We were perceived as parents, and that was, even if it sounds strange, a wonderful feeling," she says. To parents, to be allowed to be a mother – the most Important was for Daniela Nuber-fishing. Many do not perceive star mothers as mothers, and in particular if it was her first child who died.

The star müttertag may be the women's mother – if you would like to tell you of your child of your Wishes and Dreams that came with the pregnancy and with the death of the baby abruptly ended. "Star parents can share the memory of your child with anyone. It was never really visible. That is the difficulty, you have the feeling, that you grieve less have any right to," says Daniela Nuber-fishing. If you are allowed to grieve. You may, however, be grateful for Nice. And you may hope for a new pregnancy.

"Grieving need it, so that people come to you."Susanne Lorenz, social educationalist

"The death of a baby is still a taboo topic," says Daniela Nuber-fishing. Many friends didn't know after the silent birth of Paula, as you should be with her and her husband to speak. I'm so sorry – Yes, and more? Today, she holds lectures for members, midwives and all the others that have to do with expectant parents. They will explain to you how you can be a star child to parents, a support, as you take them in their grief seriously, no matter what week of the pregnancy, the child died. Important: no comparisons. "There is nothing worse than losing your own child, no matter when," says Daniela Nuber-fishing. "You don't need to compare what might have been even worse."

it must happen That much, Daniela Nuber-Fischer and Susanne Lorenz are from the Association of Orphaned parents agree. Susanne Lorenz is of the opinion that the society does not deal well with grief. "In silent sympathy, which is the wrong Signal for the people Affected," says the social worker. She has gained the experience: "Grieving need it, so that people come to you."

It has been seven years since Paula died. And yet there are sometimes moments in which Daniela Nuber-Fischer climbing the tears in the eyes, and her voice failed when she thinks of her daughter. Their two sons will know that you have a sister and that her name is Paula. She is the first born. It is a part of the family.

(editing Tamedia)

Created: 26.04.2019, 20:44 PM