– It goes a maximum of two days, without I think of her.
the Tv host Signe Lindkvist, 46, speaks about his mother, the artist Helle Allpass, who died 23 years ago. It means that she now has been moderløs in the half of his life. And it fills a part in the book, she and her friend Iben Hjejle together have made.
’Is there an adult present?’ called the book, with reference to the fact that both lost their mothers when they were in the 20's.
And life without a mother fills so much of the two friends, that they have formed what they call ’The dead mothers ' association’.
Signe Lindkvists mother suffered from Parkinson's disease and decided to take his own life before the disease made her unable to take care of themselves.
In the eight years she had namely seen his own mother, Signe Lindkvists grandmother, fade completely away in a nursing home.
Signe Lindkvists mother, ceramist Helle Allpass, planned carefully how she would leave this world, when she was seriously ill. Photo: John Stæhr
– My grandmother could nothing. Didn't know anyone. My mother was a strong woman, and eventually as a grandmother would for her be very humiliating. Under her dignity. She would decide for themselves.
– Mother was sick in some years. There was a period where we were in doubt as to whether there was to talk about Alzheimer's, and actually we were relieved when she was diagnosed with Parkinson's. It is not a disease, you die of ... But it is something so vicious. First eats the body and then the brain. But you do not die.
– As the daughter I was all følelsesregistret around, when she told about her decision. I was angry. Thought she was egocentrically and a wretched ass. But I also reached an understanding and a kind of pride, that she actually got her wish fulfilled, though it proved to be a bit difficult to find ’a recipe’ how she could put an end to his life in the most humane way.
– In the day it had probably been somewhat easier, thanks to the web. She had, fortunately, a buddy who knew a doctor who could tell about the right pills. Those we saw, with some difficulty, obtained, so we could make the directed ’cocktail’.
En Signe Lindkvists mother decided that she wanted to end her life, she decided that she previously would hold a farewell dinner for the nearest 14. A dinner with fine table settings and something special on the menu.
She wanted fried pigeons, so Signe Lindkvist was sent in the city. But the butcher could not how to procure 14 pigeons to the planned middagsdato.
– Well, then we must wait, it sounded quiet from the mother. And so was the announced death postponed a week.
Mother got her party that she wanted. The dinner was both great and sad. There was both laughter and crying ...
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– to begin with I thought that the missing and the grief would be less. But it will actually never better, says Signe Lindkvist about the loss of his mother 23 years ago.
– I can still be envious of others who still have their mother. Not because I'm evil and not taking them to their mother, but because I just so like still would have had my own.
– With the time I have, however, found out that the feelings are easier to live with, if one makes the sadness to a friend and not just deny it. To keep the dead alive by talking about him – which is to say to my daughter, to ’how did the grandmother always’, or ’try to scents, it was grandma's favorite flower ...’ – it is important for me.
– To render the round with a kæmpepose love for them, there is a allernærmest. When I became a mother, I could put it over the love I still feel for my mother, down in my daughter's kærlighedspose, says Signe Lindkvist, who is the mother of the teenager Karla My.
She has also thought about his own death and his daughter's future in this context.
– It can happen quite suddenly, and I'm quite practical in his approach, " she says, based on fitzgerald's book and continues:
– Should it happen, so I have made sure that my daughter has a really good voksennetværk, who will be able to help and take care of her. She will certainly not get to stand alone.