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Johan Hilton: The constant talk about raising a child is the wide acceptansens back

There are texts that can't be written enough times. Last week, DN wrote:s Amina Manzoor such, from a personal point of comment (20/4) that she in all probability does not want to be a mother: ”I love being an aunt. It is enough for me.”

the Article caused the wide attention of social media. It is of course gratifying – because it was a nice text. At the same time, it is somewhat distressing to the normative pressure – ”You want to multiply you, little friend?” – still time and time again seems to have punctured. Just six years ago, I was as a publisher to give out Josefine Adolfssons anthology ”nobody's mother”. A book which discussed the same basically quite simple pledge: ”I just don't want to.” Shouldn't it really be enough as answer?

But this is clearly heteronormens influence over the way people organize their lives is still great, what these rainbow-coloured times than give the impression of. In some ways perhaps greater than it was twenty years ago.

as gay in 1997, it was one of the advantages that I very rarely needed to explain more on how I looked at my own future as a spreader of genes. It was kind of unspoken that I, as a gay man, I would not start a family, at least not one that met the system of heteronormative expectations.

of course there was the topic of queer parenting on the agenda – debattvågorna flooded back to high around the demands for reform that homoadoption (as headlined at least the issue in the media), surrogate motherhood, and artificial insemination.

But the fact that the cunning and the gays and lesbian still got children on their own seemed not to have seeped into the public consciousness yet. The issue was seen still as a special interest that had not with the general public to make something public opinion and the parliament had the power to graciously grant us or not.

handy. It was a tough progressive heterofil who furtively asked questions about test tubes and stjärnfamiljer then also. But on the whole, saw the christian democratic anstrukna present on lgbt culture with something of pity in his eyes. Ah, ye wretches who never get to experience the genetic mystery!

Then came the queerboomar and prajdkalas and new laws, and these days is every kid waving regnbågsflagga when Scandinavian Leather But defilerar past during the pride parade. Good then, I guess. Rather than specific legislation, discrimination and garderobskultur.

at the same time it is unmistakably so that the man who married, contented and barnfritt homo during the past two decades increasingly been dodging for hints about the right start a family. Not always formulated in the questions, but as mildly admonishing and slightly patronising findings: how life doesn't really felt before the children arrived. If the satisfaction of sit of an early Saturday morning in front of a juniorträning in hockey in närförortens ice rink. If it is only when you have children that you realise what real love is. Start to it not be time for you, too – this is how you can well not have it in the long run?

in the past. And for me it seems that one of the wide acceptansens downsides: to, against her will, included in a larger normgemenskap, invited in genspridarvärmen and suddenly be faced with the expectations and intimate questions that they previously avoided, or even bothered to think about.

But, above all, activating it, an existential result – it needs to be well for God's sake be other things in life than parenting? We must all live by the same standards of happiness?

needless to say, I feel great respect for people's barnlängtan, as well as for the sadness that infertile couples undergo. But that barnfrihet also in these days is often seen as an incomprehensible and somewhat regrettable decision – to be reduced to some sort of spiritual nucka who understood neither know what life or real love really means – is presumptuous, to put it gently. Your livsmening is not necessarily my. That it even needs to be said. So thank you for the strength to do it, Amina Manzoor.

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