"Sorry," said her husband, when he had jostled, and she had fallen, "you're too thick to you, you will pass Yes." If he had pushed it in the back and she fell down: "You're so stupid, you can't even walk straight." If you stand at the stove and he slammed the door of the kitchen schränkl one on the head: "Must you always get in the way, Totsch."
woman b* is 60 years old, tall and slender, gray short hair; she is wearing a thin black woolen dress, violet stockings, lace up flat shoes. A level-headed, but disabled woman. For 35 years, two sons, 21 and 25, always professional, married, working as a social worker, also in managerial roles; there were times when she was the one the family kept afloat financially. Her husband, of which she speaks only as a "future Ex-husband", it was not possible long to be professionally foot.
He never hit her directly. He slammed into her and gave her bursts, casually, by the way. Never during a dispute. But later, out of nowhere, very deliberately, and always when you didn't expect. And never in a way that you can say: He has me beat. Because he did not Yes. The bruises looked under the dresses, no one.
Until that night two years ago. He was silent behind her and had her beaten in an image band on the head. When she turned around, contorted his face, she fell backwards. Trembling, and to be replaced by wrestling, she said: "The next Time I'll call the police." He grinned. "Then I say you hit me for years."
Shortly after the wedding he had an affair
It was shortly before midnight, she crouched on the ground and mind in that Moment that it was over. That all their efforts to maintain the marriage had failed. That you could not do anything against his anger, that it was of no avail, if she was loving, and if you avoided everything that could provoke it.
she was afraid that he might do something to her; the fear felt like a clue. You didn't sleep that night. The next Morning, she contacted the police and a lawyer.
He was evicted from the apartment and was not allowed to approach her temporarily; it is a rayon was imposed the ban, shortly after, a second.
After which he moved again and the months that followed were unbearable. Then, finally, he had to find a home of their own. In January, the divorce date is coming up.
The first affair he had shortly after the wedding, the young Couple separated. No one learned anything, not even your parents. For a whole year she kept the facade is maintained, because they could not bear to have to tell the truth. He was the love of your big, and she wanted to take care of children, a family, you want to and be there for others. At most they would have gone after training, to Africa, to help
she wanted her sons not getting a divorce expect
they found themselves again. Got two sons. Mrs. B. worked after maternity leave, respectively, in a 70-percent workload more, in addition, she cleaned and cooked, took care of the children, funded the holiday. It was, of course, for you, "I'm a very caring".
Still, that quiet voice that told her, that little voice, especially since the birth of their second son, was there. "I didn't want to listen," says Mrs. B., "because I knew that the voice was right. But I wanted to let my dream of the intact family is not broken make. And so I just stopped."
Because her husband had two sides to it. Was charming to the outside, cultivated, all liked him. At home he was a tyrant. You insulted. She left in the lurch. Was not at the appointed time to pick up the kids; again and again they had to organize the work of emergency her mother. He responded, jealous of the children and had Affairs, how he blamed her – if she is dealing so much with the sons, would have him no other choice. She is in pain.
He called it limited, fat and ugly
Then he began to play with her. Log out for dinner, only to unexpectedly show up and reproach her not to have him cooked. It was organized like everywhere in life, asked him, but in the future, before not to call, then the pass. He never did it, but made her the same reproach. The children all asked at some point: "mommy, why you don't want to cook for daddy?"
The few close Friends that knew about it, advised her to leave. You didn't make it. He had always threatened again, then the boys to take away. You laughed at that you would believe it anyway no one. And then you came not on the idea that what happened to her was violence. She shakes her head: "If not by the police is automatically a victim counseling center contact with me would be recorded, would not become clear to me what's going on. I really thought that a woman needs to land in an emergency, until one speaks of domestic violence."
And so she tried more and more. Wanted to make everything right. Endured, that he called it limited, fat, ugly – maybe it was Yes to her, she made it not good enough. She suggested couples therapy, which he explained in the middle of a joint session should be terminated and left.
Mrs B. did not give up. They wanted to impose on their children, no divorce, that was not an Option. "This idea," she says today, "I have subordinated everything. I thought I could teach my boys not just how to stability, if we stay a family. How could I have mistaken, what I have done to you." She is crying.
Constantly on the alert
Although they had found her husband already had a well-paid Job, he was always irritated. The Attacks became more frequent, were more violent. You had the feeling to sit on a powder keg, at some point, she was sure, something Bad might happen. She held her breath when she heard the evening of his key in the lock, and prayed that he would not be rough.
As you tense up in his presence was, how it had become a habit to be constantly on the alert, she realized it was only as he was moved out. It shocked you. "I always had Jobs with a lot of responsibility, it attested to me, to be able to particularly well to cope with conflicts. Only at home it was all gone. He had made me: my whole self-worth is taken." You want to get your earlier ease and her courage back. First of all, but she's afraid of the divorce date. Turns that your future Ex-husband's lies again, everything in his favor. And in the end, any says, she was to blame. As it had already been a first court date of the case.
For the force had been fined his client, although he said at the time, the lawyer of her husband. But the injuries were not serious, and you, Mrs. B., 've provoked him, Yes, constantly. Mrs. B. looked at her lawyer. Then looked to the front, where the judge was sitting, flanked by two lawyers. The women were silent. Flashed not with the eyelash. Mrs. B. wanted to scream.
she kneads her handkerchief, if she tells now, a year later, of which. "It tears me up still," she says and wipes her eyes. Because of this sentence, this dire record, has been their greatest fear: that we turn the tables and blame this on her would be. So, as her husband had, for 15 years.
* Name known to the editors
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Created: 02.12.2019, 12:14 PM