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Danish star: - My world fell apart

In the six months Barbara Moleko not hear the music. She couldn't keep the sounds out, the lyrics made her sad, and the music, which, since she was a child has been the life's focal point, cut in the ears.

- It was just the noise of the city, both physically and mentally, says Barbara Moleko.

the Singer, who got her breakthrough back in 2012 with the album 'Happiness is ...', has been absolutely key to turn in the course of the past year.

Down below, where it is a feat to find three good things that have happened in the course of the day, when lying in his bed in the evening, and where the highlights can be that you have been able to go for a walk in the Facts, or that the sun occasionally has shown its rays.

Down below, where the depression rumble so hard, to body say from.

Down below, where one loses the fear of dying.

But how when a singer who has stood at Denmark's biggest scenes, stolen the limelight in a plethora of tv shows and made himself a leader in the fight for the weak and vulnerable, completely down?

- It went up for me at the end of 2018, it was completely mad, tells Barbara Moleko, that will be released with the album 'I am strong' the 22. may.

- My then girlfriend and I had been trying to get pregnant in a long time, but it had gone completely wrong, and I ended up in the hospital several times, tells Barbara Moleko.

- After the second failed pregnancy broken I completely, says the singer, who twice was to become pregnant outside of the uterus and therefore lost the baby.

But there was not much understanding to download.

the Doctors said to me that I should just be glad that I had a child in advance, " says Moleko, who has a six-year daughter from a previous relationship, and shakes his head.

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It took hard on her. Yet she was running on - both in the studio and at home, where she tried to shut down instead of processing the grief.

today, she can see that she had a depression.

- At the time I tried to get started in the music again, and I was in the studio and we had to publish, and a lot of things.

- But my world was fallen apart. I could not think. People could ask me about the bell, and then I was going to have to go in and lay me. It was really tremendously, she says.

eventually made her mother and boyfriend a intervention.

They could see, I had not the good. I walked around like a zombie, explains Barbara Moleko.

Barbara Moleko on the Northside in 2015. Photo:Anders Rye Skjoldjensen/Ritzau Scanpix

She was beginning to show the frightening physical signs that something was really wrong.

- I got sensory disturbances in the fingers, my vision changed, and I began to strain. It was so far-fetched. I was really sick both physically and mentally.

- When I had my daughter, I could not find the motivation for anything. I I felt so discouraged, and I cared not at all well in myself. It was just shit. I would not wish for anyone, they need to experience, says Barbara Moleko.

And that is exactly why she choose to tell about it, without comparison has been the toughest period in her 33-year-old life.

- It is not a lament, she says.

- It's all about, that we need to be better to interfere in each other's lives and be there for each other. And we should also be better to reach out for help, and if only I can make a small difference to someone, so I tell you like how I've had it, she says.

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She has experienced it to lose an unborn child as a big taboo, which people find difficult to talk about.

- We need to be open about it, because you are so lonely and alone in it. It is a trauma and a dream that dies every time this happens, she says.

For her, it was also the end of the relationship to her boyfriend.

- Either you grow together in such a situation, or also stick one in each direction. And it came with us. And it was hard, for we were two people that fought alone.

- It also helped to crack me a little, she says.

When the earth really disappeared from under her, it went totally wrong.

I have always been afraid to jump in the water, especially dark water. But I lost completely my fear. I lost the fear to die. For it could nevertheless not be worse, " she says, and continues:

- But I'm pretty glad that I reached there, the teacher is also a something about, that thoughts are just thoughts, and that they shall not manage, she says.

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But they are insidious, mind. While it was at its worst, she thought, things she never thought she would come to.

I thought, of course, that I made life harder and more stressful for everyone else. I reached a point where I thought if I just was not here.

- I Could buy a ticket to the Congo and disappear? My child would have a better life without me. And my mother and brother too, she says.

Barbara Moleko began to understand the people who take their own lives. Photo: Liselotte Sabroe/Ritzau Scanpix

Suddenly she understood, what are the thoughts that go through your head when people choose to end life.

- But it is a taboo to talk about the desire to just die. Not that I even wanted to do it, for I fought well, even though everything was crap, but I reached a point where I could well understand why people think that they are doing others and themselves a service by it, she says.

- But it is crazy to get to a point where you are thinking such. It is a disease and a meltdown in your brain. And one must not go with the thoughts alone, says Barbara Moleko, who in the period had the help of a body therapist and a psychiatrist.


At that time, it was so distant from her how to make music, that she doubted that she ever came to it again.

- It is really strange to reach a place where you don't feel like music - and I had been there a long time, I had just neglected it, she explains.

But if she was a musician, who was she then?

- I have felt that I have had to satisfy others and to live up to some idea of who the Barbara Moleko is. Also in music, where I have felt that I was in the studio, although I did not want.

- I had a writer's block for a really long time where I forced myself to be feature on other artisters numbers and has made some collaborations, although I really had not profits to it, she says.

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At last she pulled completely plug and moved to a refuge - a refuge - in the north of Zealand. Out in nature, where the days went to meditate, get a massage, the brand itself, breathe and think carefully about.

- It was as if I finally got ro on, she explains.

Barbara Moleko has once again gotten the desire to make music. Photo: Liselotte Sabroe/Ritzau Scanpix

Slowly it began to go the right way. Barbara Moleko be able to grasp a little more with each day that passed.

a few more hours out of bed. And slowly a few more hours in the studio.

the Desire to have the music returned, as did the creativity, and suddenly toppled to the songs out of her.

- In the summer I began to feel that there was any strength back. I feel like I'm right back again and have the motivation. The profits have come back, she explains.

Friday is published she with her third album - five years after the last. In the intro on the album she sings as a kind of mantra: 'I am strong, I am brave'.

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it is courageous to share her story, she knows not.

- I just know that I don't need to hide it. What should I tell, if I'm not telling my story?

- People come up to me and tell me the most personal things about cracked families and unborn children. We all have a sadness and a baggage we carry around. And how could I hide my, when I have written a whole album about it?, she asks.

Now she has the pressure mentally play again - to the music and to himself.

- I can hear music again. I can sit down and analyze the texts and make seconds and sing in the choir, when I sitting and listening.

I can feel both the sadness and joy over a good number. It is the life. But life was just put on pause.

the Album 'I am strong' is released on 22. may.

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