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What if your child click or throws a tantrum? Well-known family therapist Hedvig Montgomery comes to the rescue

Family Penalties, or try to understand? Protect against all evil or the freedom to make mistakes? Older is not easy. Certainly not with the all the so-called op

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What if your child click or throws a tantrum? Well-known family therapist Hedvig Montgomery comes to the rescue
Family Penalties, or try to understand? Protect against all evil or the freedom to make mistakes? Older is not easy. Certainly not with the all the so-called opvoedexperts that contradict each other, but pretend the truth. For parents who occasionally with the hands in the hair (any age) brings the Norwegian family therapist Hedvig Montgomery the book ‘The seven steps to successful parenting’.

“My child deserves the very best.” That should be the starting point of almost every parent. And that provides a lot of mommy's and daddy’s quite a bit of stress. According to a study by the university of Ghent is 70% of Flemish parents that their offspring, raising as it should. But the rest? They unfortunately do have the feeling that they fall short.

Perfect papa and mama

All is that there is no need for. Parents may be mistakes. That says Hanne Luyten, who, in the hyped book #Nietaankindengezinverklappen dare admit that they are every day struggling with the whole ouderschapsgedoe. And that is certainly not a bad setting, set gezinstherpaut Hedvig Montgomery. The Norwegian psychologist, has worked for more than 20 years with children and families and has some books written about the Scandinavian art of parenting.

“The perfect parent does not exist,” says Montgomery us. “It is especially important that you are ‘good enough’ trying to be. It does not matter that you occasionally makes mistakes. As long as it's not too common, and no major missteps, of course. In addition, children can learn a lot from parents who guust committed, to admit that and well try to make.”

And yet. Often, we continue to fret and think: “Do we do well?”. Also the mama's on the NINA-editors sit sometimes with doubts and worries. And because many mothers struggling with similar questions, schotelden we have our biggest challenges to Montgomery. She is so sweet to her most important tips to share.

What if your 6-year-old in a tantrum?

“First and foremost: 6-year-old children have such a temper tantrum occasionally necessary. At this age, they learn to be their feelings under control. That has as a result that they feel happier, but also bad and extra frustrated will behave. Sometimes it even seemed as if you suddenly with a teenager in the house. Know especially that the weather will cool down. The only thing you can do in the meantime? It does not make things worse. Your son or daughter is also sensitive, and he or she would absolutely be no loss of suffering. The best is to be loving and caring to respond."

What if your child is not a good sleeper? And if he or she refuses to be under the thread to crawl, and at the dawn of the day standing up?

“Children are not good sleepers. The other side of the coin: they have a lot of sleep. And there you have them to help. What you should do, depends on the age of the child. And of the child itself, because one has more effort than the other. But the most important thing is that your uk helps to find balance in life. And believe me: there you go there 16 years sweet. Each time that your daughter grudgingly go to sleep, you need her to soothe. This will help you its the tipping point to where she falls asleep. Is your son awake at night? That is also a sign that he needs you and him, you must comfort. At the moment it seems that might be a waste of time, but I assure you that it is not.”

What if your children fight? How do you they must resolve the conflict themselves?

“When your youngest is 3 years old, he or she can self-defend. From that moment on, you will need not more moeien if you have offspring with each other in the clinch. They need to answer questions such as: ‘Who is the strongest?’ or ‘who is this toy?’. Thus they learn to know each other better. As my children have arguments and someone feels afterwards bad, I take them aside. I ask how they have the problem resolved, and what he or she is of that find a solution. Mix your especially not too quickly in a conflict. Certainly not if one of the two as a want to be a tattletale behavior. Then it will take longer for them to their brother or sister to know and handle them.”

What if my child against the lamp runs? Experience Is the best lesson in life, or should I get the border to draw?

“Children have to make mistakes. That is the only way they learn and how they view their self-confidence build up. But where you draw the border? That is a good question. Generally, I do not want my children to others bother you. If their behaviour is still disturbing for people in the area, I will show you what they do wrong. They have still some guidance needed to be a social creature to be.”

What if my child prefer to use a tablet, then plays outside with a ball or with the box of Lego?

“Many of the children want to very the time with a tablet play. That technological feature contains a whole world that they desperately want to explore. But admittedly: what children want, does not always correspond with what they need. They need to move, use their body, hands and their imagination. It is our job to give them such things to do. See therefore to your own behavior. Do you sometimes use the tablet if it is not needed? You stare in the evening often to your computer? If you want your child to read books, you need to set a good example and, occasionally, a book to browse. That also applies to Lego, sports, and music. Also show how much fun these things are.”

What if my teenager be more confident, want to give?

“Teenagers dream of independence and are looking for them. They are looking for themselves. Your main task: show that the teenager was not alone in that search and that he or she is doing it well. Be pleasant company, and make it clear that your child would like to see it. Even though is that on some days a bit harder. At a particular time, your son or daughter themselves and that independence. And you're the proud parent of a confident mature person. In the meantime: let each day know that you are there. That you will be ready to help and a listening ear.”

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