Opposites or Similarities? What makes you happy?

One thing right away, not much happens in this bachelor episode: the trailer for the episode was masterfully cut and it was expected that a woman would falsely tell rum after the date that Bachelor David kissed her and then he would have to make it clear in front of everyone that this woman lied have. In the end, it wasn't just exaggerated, as is usually the case with trailer disappointments - it was just completely different.

Said, allegedly lying, woman was bobbing around in a pool with David (after crying about having to go on the date beforehand, because she slept so badly), they swim around and hug. Back at the mansion, she truthfully reports that there were opportunities to kiss, but none "fell" (yes, on the Bachelor, kisses always "fall", like gates or measures or trees).

The really lying woman was a completely different one and it was about something completely different - and now that's a bit complicated and also boring (like the whole episode), so in a nutshell:

The women have to fill out a questionnaire that David had also filled out earlier. The three women with the most similarities to his answers get on one boat, the three with the fewest similarities on another boat. Everyone else stays in the villa and complains. David swims back and forth between boat "opposites" and boat "similarities", the latter hoping for a lot of fame and honor and single dates for the many similarities, but gets none of it.

In their retrospective, the women from Boot therefore make “similarities” out of Davids: “When it comes to fundamental values ​​and goals in life, similarities are very important. But sometimes differences can also be attractive" and "I hate women who are similar to me, I just like differences, eh, go away." That's kind of what they tell the other women after they return - and THAT's what David has to do then clarify sometime later.

So far, so unspectacular, only one question remains to be clarified: Which boat should David bet on now? And in general all people, so basically in life?

Yes, opposites may have a certain attraction. People are often drawn to what they don't have, what they don't know, what complements them. This can be attractive, especially at the beginning of a relationship - but if you are really looking for a serious and lasting partnership, you should not be too dissimilar in really basic terms. It's all about age, similar values, similar goals in life (you will never really overcome a "contradiction" when it comes to the question of having children), moral concepts. It is exhausting to impossible to find compromises in these areas - and will strain the relationship in the long run.

In addition, it is assumed in sociology that people like what they know - and therefore perceive traits that they have in others as particularly likeable. However, this assumption has a twist that makes everything a bit more complex: because you can "think" someone similar if you like them - and supposed similarities are not real at all, but imaginary. The psychologist Jule Specht told WELT here: “What counts when there is a spark between two people is not the real similarity between them – just the impression that you are similar. In reality, people can be very different. But if they feel they are alike in many ways, then that leads to greater sympathy.”

So you can't bring two similar people together and count on them automatically liking each other (you can tell that from the mood on Boot "Similarities"). But people can focus on similarities because of an initial sympathy, overestimate them, search for them purposefully. And then believing that the sympathy came about because of those similarities. Therefore, the question of cause and effect in this topic actually remains unresolved - and it makes absolutely no difference whether the women answered five or nine questions in agreement with David. If he likes one, if the basics are right, then a few "right" answers outweigh many. Take that, boat "Similarities"!

And when you focus on personality traits, there's something else to consider. In psychology, the most important aspects of personality are recorded in five categories: emotional stability, social compatibility, openness to experience, conscientiousness and extraversion. A large study of 10,000 couples revealed that almost two-thirds of the couples had rather dissimilar personalities. For example, emotionally unstable people often turn to emotionally stable people.

Incidentally, people who have relatively high values ​​in all five categories are most likely to be happy with the most diverse types, i.e. open, stable, sociable, reliable people. Whether the person opposite is the same or different doesn't play a major role for these types.

So it is also very much up to you whether you find a partner with whom you can be happy. Or maybe David just has to paddle between the two boats forever.

“The Bachelor” runs on RTL on Wednesdays and anytime on RTL.