Health Angels are the toughest gang in Germany

Martin (name changed by the editor) has gained some weight. It's still hard to smile, but still. Last week he smoked for the first time in a long time. Passive. “There was someone across the street with the cigarette. I didn't knock his teeth out and insult him," Martin recalls proudly. He's finally ready for a normal life.

However, when he sees an ad for cholesterol-lowering margarine with vitamin C on TV, everything comes back: the relentless control. The peer pressure. The brutal crackdown on dissidents. For years, Martin was a member of an organization that, according to the unanimous opinion of sect commissioners, is one of the toughest and most brutal associations in Germany and against which the Hells Angels look like a synchronized swimming group.

The outrageous thing is that the gang can switch and rule as they want. The police have long since given up trying to intervene against them. Presumably because many officials themselves belong to the circle of sympathizers. But large parts of society are also strangely silent. For fear of risking life and limb, the group is allowed to do as it pleases. Its members, who have martial inscriptions like “Mrs. Sporty” can move freely. One may well ask oneself: Are the Health Angels the new power in the state?

"It's finally time for the public to know what's behind this organization," explains Martin. The Health Angels dropout reports on an incredible drill that the members have to submit to. “Jogging in the morning, then a bit of a workout, then power yoga, lunch pilates during the lunch break, a few sit-ups with lead weights in between and a little Iron Man competition at the end of the day. In the end I didn't even have time for a daily colonic," says Martin, describing the inhuman pressure he was exposed to.

Added to this was the constant hunger. "The gang philosophy of the Health Angels is that it would be healthiest if you stopped eating because everything is so terribly stressed. At some point I couldn't stand it anymore and stuffed myself with raw food, tap water filtered 15 times and oxygen from New Zealand," says the former high-ranking gang member about his ordeal.

Because he fears that he will be poisoned with meat that is not fake, Martin does not want to comment on the criminal machinations of the gang that is making the country unsafe with their souped-up ergometers. However, it can be taken for granted that the organization largely controls the omega-3 fat trade in Germany and is also active in the goji berry business on a large scale. The group is also known for its pronounced intolerance - especially against lactose and everything that smokes and does not spend enough money on organic food.

Against this background, Martin fears that there could be an unprecedented gang war in Germany. "If the Pommfridos are serious about their threat to completely fry the Health Angels' quinoa stash in saturated fat, all hell will break loose!"

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