ARD shows dance theater instead of Germany against Japan

Small program change at the ARD! Instead of the opening game of the German national team at the World Cup in Qatar, a performance by the Sprockhövel dance theater will be broadcast. The piece entitled "Reflux Esophagitis XII - The Return of the Amphibian" completely replaces the broadcast of the game against Japan; afterwards only the most important scenes of the dance theater performance are shown.

With this radical step, the public television company is reacting to the increasingly degrading conditions in Qatar and in the German team headquarters. For fear of unspecified reprisals from Fifa, the ranks of the national team and the DFB decided that Manuel Neuer should not wear a captain's armband with the inscription "One Love" as a sign of diversity, openness and tolerance during the game. As a result, the retail group Rewe, among others, ended its cooperation with the DFB.

According to the sports department of ARD, since you don't have any more critical reports about the bad conditions in Qatar and in world football up your sleeve to calm the conscience of the viewers even after the latest World Cup faux pas, you had to get creative .

With the avant-garde dance theater performance, which deals with topics such as the exploitation of modern humanity in the system of turbo-capitalism and the difficult digestibility of Schlemmerfilet à la Bordelaise in a physically expressive way, one hopes to better do justice to one's educational mission, can be heard from the broadcaster network. The reasoning is that if so much fee money is already used for top sporting performances, then it is better for people who bend artistically full-time and not for amateur actors such as national soccer players.

However, it is still unclear whether the announced program change will actually take place. Muscle-bound representatives of Fifa are said to have indicated during the preliminary reporting in Sprockhövel that something unpleasant could happen in the event that the public broadcasters did not show any German games. In any case, in the ranks of ARD and ZDF, the threat is taken very seriously – it has been a long time since they heard anything from Florian Silbereisen.

Follow GLASAUGE anyway on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram - and don't miss any joke articles and additional satires in the future!