It is not just a cliche: More women than men do not take the initiative to sex.
But then you have to just accept it as one of life's fundamentals - in line with gravity, death, and that men more often want sex in long-term relationships - or you can move a little bit on the matter?
Yes, it can be good.
The slightly longer answer comes further down in the article,
Women in recent decades have come further forward in the panties and stands by their desire (and disinclination). And the lack of sexinitiativ is not automatically a problem, it can easily be what the couple like best.
But nothing sexinitiativ can be problematic, either for the person who does not take it and therefore not put its sexagenda, or for the person who is tired of always having to be the assertive and active.
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It explains the sexforskeren Justin Lehmiller in the book ‘Tell Me What You Want’, where he has interviewed 4000 americans about their sex lives and desires.
Here, it also found that 44 percent of heterosexual men are satisfied with the extent of their sexinitiativ, 21 percent would like to do it more, while 35 percent want to take less initiative and thus leave the woman.
To each third man to one degree or another dream of dropping the control in the bedroom, explains Lehmiller with that men also want to feel lust, and they feel just, when the boyfriend takes a step to sex.
42 percent of the women are quite satisfied with how often they take the initiative, 28 percent would like to do it more, while 29 percent want to take less sexinitiativ.
Well then. What can you do to prepare the groundwork for more sexinitiativ? According to Lehmiller, one must first identify the factors that restrict the desire to have sex in the whole, and the initiative more specifically. Everything from poor health and sleep, stress and children to the bad mood and bad relationships.
Maybe you feel that sex belongs to at bedtime, but who are you (or your partner) too tired to carry out the initial manoeuvres. So a solution would be to take the initiative to morgensex instead. Or turn off all screens in the evening, so the focus becomes each other and look for sexual opportunities.
Sex & cohabitation - 31. may. 2017 - at. 22:06 a Call to arms for lazy women: So, take the initiative for sex
However, how to initiate sex, so it is both understood and received positively?
The last one may not ensure of the risk of being rejected will always be present. But you can take the direct path to sex, or the indirect.
‘you are so delicious, should we swipe?’, possibly combined with caresses, you know, is titillating to him. Or to even take your clothes off, or take it from the boyfriend.
the Advantage is that no one is in doubt about the target, the downside can be that the recipient can feel both the pressure, irritated and caught off guard and not quite ready.
The indirect is about to show his sexinteresse less clearly by, for example, kiss her, tell how wonderful he is, ask if he wants to muck, etc.
most people, both men and women, using the indirect method, but it is not as effective, because they can be overlooked or be misunderstood.
Thus suggests Justin Lehmiller, to combining the indirect with the direct, namely contact with the verbal communication. And here a gentle shoulder massage to be a good beginning.
The Danish therapist and psychologist Frej Prahl is in no doubt who should take the initiative to sex, when we ask him:
- It should be the who want! You can easily lie naked next to each other. The, like, let's just say the man can lie down and ‘knock’ with a dick. It is quite ok. As long as she brands a feeling of security in that she might like, maybe not. So he can fix it yourself, if she's not in on it.
- The more unpretentious you can do it, the better, I think. If she can be relaxed with, that he will be able to overcome it, if her vulva does not open up for him, is the likelihood that she'll actually get like, much larger. So he must, finally, not hold back.
- Strong signals are quite ok. As long as the blame isn't there. No need to feel guilty about anything. The blame to reject the signals may not be powerful, says Prahl.
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How shall the man show his desire: