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- these women have all chosen to act on their desires. And it seems I am wildly courageous.
so says the author Carsten Graff in the occasion of the publication of the book 'Just Want', where he has interviewed ten Danish women from swingermiljøet.
over a year's time, the 55-year-old Graff and his 31 years younger gf has been on an excursion in the Danish swingermiljø, starting in the club City, Swingers on the isle of Amager.
Here he met a world, many have notions and prejudices around. Here he met the more lystfulde dark sides of women's life and sex life, and he met women with unique stories, which has now become a book, which can serve as a window into an otherwise closed world.
Sex and cohabitation From housewife to hardcore swinger: I love to have sex on rest areas
The women dare to challenge the societal taboos and norms, and they dare to follow their desires. Their friends envy them, but do not dare even. A part of them has entered into this universe after a divorce, where they have experienced a huge sexual flowering top of the marriage is sad or dead sex life. They challenge the conventional relationships, and on the way, the book is perhaps a little insight into the future, where we hopefully get a more nuanced picture of what a relationship is and can.
- for example, I have interviewed a muslim woman, who is in a tvangsindgået marriage, where the man ascends her once a week, but if she shows the desire, he becomes angry. In swingerklubben, she lives her dreams out, gangbang and bondage and what we have, " continues Carsten, who say that the woman experienced a violent psychological downturn after its first time in the club. because it is in many ways contrary to her perception of being a nice woman.
experience a part of the other women also have. Anyway they have come back and have no regrets.
Sex and cohabitation Fierce images: Welcome in swingerklubben for the beautiful
there Were things in the environment that came behind you in the work with the book?
- Yes, swingersnak - the impersonal conversations, one has in particular, the bar with the other guests. You are not talking about his children or problems. Many did not want to disclose anything at all about the privacy. There has emerged a culture in which you relate impersonally to each other - it is through the sexual, to communicate.
- I, which itself is without limits in that direction, felt that the people are reserved. They are what can be due to many things. They will not be recognized, perhaps they are unfaithful, they live a double life, do not want, that people know something. It is a funny paradox - man is enormously broad-minded, and ublufærdig physically, but personally, there is a great modesty.
at the same time, it's all hugely down to earth, believe Graff:
- There is a sense of Danish associations, of jovial fritidsdanskere with the dick out of læderdragten - in contrast to the swingers clubs in Southern europe, where both men and women dresset up sharply.
You and the bf have even been part of the environment in a period of time..?
- It was very clear for my own part, that the sex hang together with feelings for me. Swingers are enormously good to discard the thing at. We tried to have sex a few times, just together, and one time with another couple, but it gave us nothing. But it's also cool to see other have good sexual experiences.
- And as Allan Zeuthen, who owns City Swinger and that helped me to find the women for the book, always say: To go in a club is like going in a candy store: although there are lots of sweets, one does not need to have the desire to do it all.
Carson and her boyfriend have an open relationship. Photo: Private
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Graff, who for many years have lived in open conditions, some of these swingerkvinder found their way to tackle the challenge that all long lasting relationships are opposite: the attraction slow fall.
- Here you can swingerlivet or an open relationship make the relationship uncertain, unpredictable, exciting. It blows it away and creates the force and tension - it creates attraction.
It is a classic journalistic adage that one should not go in bed with the sources - it also applies here?
- Yes, I have really no sexual relations had with these superdejlige women. We created tillidsrum, where my professionalism got them to relax and open up.
Sex and cohabitation Fierce images: Welcome in swingerklubben for the beautiful
Carsten Graff invites you to bogreception in swingerklubben City Swingers on Amager Valentine's day at 16. He offers the bubbles and sprøjteorgasmer.
The erotic social worker
the social worker Dorothy takes after 15 years of marriage, her sex life up to reconsideration. After dating, lots of sex and a successful triangle, she is ready to swingerklubben. She is an experienced swinger, which promises to be her guide:
On the ride to the club I was at to turn the car on and drive home at least fifteen times, but each time won the curiosity still over my fear of the unknown. With pounding heart I had parked the car, and as I approached the club, I could see that my new guide was standing in front of the club entrance and looked around for me. As a rule, have pictures on dating web sites it is to dress up the reality, but with my guide it was almost reversed. The man I had seen in the pictures, was nice, but now, when I saw him in fact, he was singularly appealing.
Before we went in, we got a little talk where he told me that his role was only to show me around, to be by my side and introduce me to the environment. If not I felt attracted to him, it was quite in order, and he had no expectations that there was going to be something sexual between him and me. Should I get the desire for sex with him, he was open, but if I saw someone in the club that I would rather be with, he would like to introduce me or help me in time. He saw things on the way, opened me even more to him.
from the very beginning, I was therefore not in doubt that I not only wanted, that he was my guide, but that I also wanted, that he and I would be together. After we had talked for 10 minutes, he asked if I felt safe, and if I still had the desire to experience the club from the inside. I would of course like the way we went in, got each of our closet in the wardrobe and put our clothes. Then put I me something blondeundertøj, which I had brought for the occasion.
How a club looked inside, I had on the trip there made me a lot of effort for me to imagine. Contrary to what I had expected, I could see that there was not only plenty of space, but that it was also tastefully decorated and full of friendly people who greeted my guide, as if they were old friends. Because it was Friday, there were very many guests in the club and thus also a lot of life. There was no doubt that my guide was a popular guest, both with women and men. While we sat in the bar area and got something to drink, I was not in doubt that I was in good hands, and therefore, I felt entirely at home in the club.
After we had sat for a good half an hour and seen us around, we chose to go a round in the club, so I could form an impression of the site. This my first experience of a club in full activity on a Friday night came to represent an unusually strong bombardment of sensory input – both in the form of sound, light, scents and moods. On this night the club was full of loving couples in various stages of sexual development. Some were naked, some half naked, some wore sexy lingerie and other lacquer or leather. Almost everything I saw and felt, seemed titillating to me, and brought me into a state where I quite quickly was no longer an observer, who saw things from the outside, but was a part of it, was going on in the club.
A place we stopped and stood and looked at a woman who was surrounded by four men, who had sex with her. Suddenly, I felt that my guide let a single finger slip down the back of me, and in the course of a split second, I was more turned on than I could remember having been for a very long time. All the little forbidden atmosphere, all the naughty and seductive sensations and my delicious guide, as I as well as the not known, got my lust to boil over. As his finger touched me, disappeared I entered a unusual horny state.
Then I do not remember quite what happened, before I few moments later lay next to the woman I had just stood by and looked on. The four men were still there, and my guide showed with all clarity that he was able to more than just to show me around in the club. Soon involved he also the other men, but before they were allowed to touch me, he said to them that I was new in the club. Therefore they were carefully told that they would take care of me and go quietly forward.
The next few hours came thus to represent yet another peak in my sexual revolution, and in my exploration of everything, I did not know existed, at the time I was married.