Melika Zakariae smoked cannabis to get rid of the anxiety and the emptiness she carried within him. She partied, drank alcohol and stopped eating. When life was the darkest she found out that she had a range of psychiatric conditions which affected her – and then also began to fight for a meaningful existence.
, who is 33 years old, up to date with the book ”8 Diagnoses”. In it she seeks the answers to questions she's always asked himself. She describes the parents ' escape to Sweden from Iran and the religious repression. But also writes about the rowdy growing up and how it felt to always be full of energy fixed the anxiety bubbled under the surface.
Melika has worked as a blogger, photographer and dj. She has started a private journal and many saw her as a young, exciting, and successful entrepreneur. So five years ago, she received their diagnoses – including adhd, post-traumatic stress disorder and emotionally unstable personlighetssyndrom, the former borderline.
" I want to with my book and my story show that nothing really is impossible and that readers will be encouraged and motivated. ”Can she, so I should be able to.” A little, I think. Life does not stop just because you have a diagnosis. It comes to living with it and feeling good anyway, " says Melika Zakariae.
a late Friday afternoon. She comes from work at a youth center and later in the evening, waiting for an event and then to intercourse with a few friends. During the call, stroking her with the calm movements of the stomach. The Hen waiting inside to get a good start, " she says.
Now, in adulthood, I realize that mom's and dad's trauma affected me. It was often cry and fuss at home.
" I believe that a child is already affected in the stomach. When I'm with my boyfriend I would like that he is talking to ”my belly”, with the little life waiting to be born. Maybe he can and I give our children better conditions than the ones I got – even if mom and dad probably did all they could.
Melikas parents came as refugees to Sweden in the late 80's. The father had been active in a left-wing group that fought against the islamic revolution. He was arrested by a military security detail, abducted, and then very difficult tortured.
" my Mother had no idea where dad was, and only after seven months she got out where he was prisoner. She traveled there, was himself arrested and placed in a women's prison with her first child. After a period of time taken mother's sister, Maryam, who my sister named. Prisons are not a good environment for a small child.
first the mother and then the father become freed was born Melika. The parents realized that they had no future and came to Sweden as political refugees. The father was difficult, marked by their experiences and the brutal torture.
– Now, as an adult, I realize that mom's and dad's trauma affected me. It was often cry and fuss at home. My parents came from a country where it is part of parenting to hit a child and my mother was stuck in the tradition. I was not always so good at home, " says Melika.
Already in the pre-school she was acting out, teasing often, and put to the bus. Five years old, she became the victim of a sexual assault by a friend of the family, but told no one what had happened.Melika Zakariae and her book ”8 diagnoses”. Photo: Elin Åberg
– If a child becomes the battle, and it often is, screams and fights at home put it their tracks ... it creates an aggressiveness, even of the child. It happened with me also if I'm not beaten, and was physically violent towards anyone.
– And the memory of the abuse was there all the time. Despite several years of therapy, I have not wanted to talk about what happened. But once I wrote down my memories it was very easy, even if I can't be bothered to read through the part of the book.
smoke and hang with tjejkompisarna. It all went worse in school and later she joined out of high school with ten IG, that is to say, non-approved, in grade. In high school she also started to use cannabis. Maybe there was a way to self-medicate her poor mental health, " she says.
the Year 2007 was Melika worst. The break-up from her then boyfriend led to a collapse and that she lost the desire to live. She was thrown down into a deep depression and sought help.
It took several years of investigating before the doctors concluded that I suffered from borderline personality disorder, adhd, panic disorder, depression, dyslexia ... altogether there are about eight different diagnoses. Finally I got the right treatments and was able to begin a recovery. Today I feel good, " says Melika.
With the help of cbt therapy, she began to learn how to function better on a practical level in everyday life. But it was still not enough that she would understand and get the tools to manage their existence,
got Melika the opportunity to go to dbt therapy, or dialectical behavioral therapy. The aim is, above all, that is to reduce self-injury in people with emotionally unstable personality disorder, formerly called borderline personality disorder.
" I got individual therapy and met other young girls in the same situation. They felt just like me and understood exactly what I meant when I described my chaotic emotional life. The emptiness and so the strong feelings that come so suddenly. The worst is the one where tomhetskänslan, to feel like a shell.
I face so much anxiety and concern among young girls. We can blame the school, society ... but where has parental responsibility gone?
Melika says she suffered of their psychiatric condition, but that also meant that she almost always been extremely active, purposeful. She has been running a series of projects of their own and studied to the social pedagogue – often with the aim to try and help the young not to get caught up in inaction and exclusion.
" yes, it is hard to deal with all of the diagnoses, but now I have them and then it is just to make the best of the situation. I use in the day of my psychiatric condition and my history as a force, and as something that might inspire other young people and get them to realize that life is never run.
is hip hop and gaming. She does not like makeup and fashion very much, and says that she has always been somewhat of a tomboy. She has created, among other things, ”Mind your own gaming, a gaming site that stands out from the crowd with the only female, non-binary and transgender writers.
I am also having to hold a gaming event ”girls night online”. We live in a sexist world and it is important to challenge male dominance in the gaming world.
Melika ask themselves every day what she wants to do with the rest of his life. To sit at the coffee shop, go shopping or just dega is not for her. Instead, she thinks that everyone should find something meaningful, something to burn.
" I faced so much anxiety and concern among young girls. We can blame the school, society ... but where has parental responsibility gone?
his own background and what she experienced thinking Melika often on how she should meet the child growing in her stomach.
" I want my child to be outside a lot and play, draw and paint, discover the world and never lose their curiosity. And so, they get a lot of love and security.