"Linda Gabrielsson and her husband Richard had only a few days left to birth when the unthinkable happened. The child died in the stomach. The time then was characterized by severe sadness, but also of a happiness to have met Benjamin. Despite the fact that he never even got a day old."
"The fifth family member who is constantly present, for example, in conversations at dinner or during the holidays, but with the difference that he is invisible."
"So describe Linda Gabrielsson, 36, the feeling of having lost a child late in the pregnancy."
"– It was just six days left until the birth and it was not in my mind that something like this could happen, not this late, " she says."
"It was in the middle of the summer of 2011 when Linda, who was pregnant at the 40th week and was expecting her second child, suddenly woke up in the middle of the night."
"– I slept restlessly and in the morning I did not feel any fetal movements. But I was not worried, because I had heard that the child becomes less active near the birth, which I now understand is not true, " says Linda Gabrielsson."
"the Same morning she had time for a routine check-up at the antenatal clinic. But the midwife could not hear any heart sounds."
"– She thought it was a failure of the equipment, so she ran for a doctor who did an ultrasound. Then I understood that it was serious, but figured that all was good. Then followed a few long seconds. The doctor did not see a hjärtrörelser and what happened then I don't know really, because I have memory lapses, but I think that I cried out in the air."
"Linda Gabrielsson and her husband were taken to Danderyd hospital outside Stockholm, where another doctor confirmed the death. Where they told me also that she would be enabled and that they, for their help, would get two of the hospital's most experienced midwives."
"At first, she did not at all give birth to the child. Instead, she wanted to do caesarean section, but staff said that it was the only option and she fussed don't mind."
"– in Addition, it became a very protracted labor. But in retrospect, I am very happy for it. Both for the birth and that it took time. For I have the time to understand and reconcile myself in any way. It was like a kind of farewell to someone who I had carried on and got to know during the nine months. At the same time I was scared and upset and not really ready to meet my dead children, but the midwives were amazing and there was also a hospital chaplain who was absolutely wonderful, " says Linda Gabrielsson."
"Then they got to spend time with Benjamin, just like any parents."
"– Benjamin looked quiet and nice out and he was the most beautiful we had seen. He weighed four pounds and was 54 centimeters long. We took the hand - and footprints and a sjukhusfotograf took pictures of him, " says Linda Gabrielsson."
"Fine farewell – after all,"
"All of this, she says, was a great help in the grief that followed."
" We had him with us all the time. We were together for thirteen hours. But the longer we stayed, the harder it became to leave him. Benjamin's older sister, Eleonora, who was then five years old, was also there. She patted and tucked him, so it was, after all, a very nice moment and a nice farewell."
"Then followed the funeral and a time of severe grief and loss after a child they never got to see grow up. Why Benjamin died suddenly, they do not know. But just three months later became Linda Gabrielsson pregnant again and nine months later was born Karen, who today is six years old. To her help she got the same midwives who delivered Benjamin."
"– the Grief that followed was truly abysmal, but I would not want to have it undone. For I feel such happiness to have been able to meet Benjamin, and over that I am his mother. I still remember how he smelled and how he felt in my arms. For I love him as much as my other two children. And just like our other children he is always with us, all the time. Even if he can't be seen."